i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
