It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
