a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
