Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
