um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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