Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
