There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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