my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
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At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
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you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.