Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.

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  (214): did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date. http://tfl.nu/9ydt
  Replies (1) Good night (951) Bad night (1015)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.

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  (970): I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach. http://tfl.nu/dziv
  Replies (44) Good night (4225) Bad night (1742)
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  (209): View more from California

  do you want me to make hamburgers?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  i'm vegan

  (209): View more from California

  i'll put lettuce on them

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  (209): do you want me to make hamburgers? (541): i'm vegan (209): i'll put lettuce on them http://tfl.nu/hb72
  Replies (37) Good night (7772) Bad night (1154)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Come over? It's my birthday

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  How many times has that text failed you tonight?

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  (203): Come over? It's my birthday (267): How many times has that text failed you tonight? http://tfl.nu/a6z6
  Replies (19) Good night (1077) Bad night (8080)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me

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  (225): at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me http://tfl.nu/xox1
  Replies (23) Good night (859) Bad night (6056)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.

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  (858): Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo. http://tfl.nu/gbo1
  Replies (44) Good night (2493) Bad night (5381)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"

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  (301): Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal" http://tfl.nu/5b46
  Replies (48) Good night (4084) Bad night (861)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls

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  (720): I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls http://tfl.nu/uqfq
  Replies (11) Good night (3910) Bad night (1217)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday

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  (318): There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday http://tfl.nu/53lu
  Replies (12) Good night (3376) Bad night (1241)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics

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  (435): When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics http://tfl.nu/17q6
  Replies (13) Good night (3993) Bad night (1010)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.

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  (608): She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism. http://tfl.nu/czkn
  Replies (4) Good night (1850) Bad night (695)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.

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  (817): We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen. http://tfl.nu/j56a
  Replies (8) Good night (2842) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.

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  (651): Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die. http://tfl.nu/9u75
  Replies (3) Good night (876) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.

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  (623): Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God. http://tfl.nu/6yhq
  Replies (2) Good night (861) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.

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  (940): I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack. http://tfl.nu/gvul
  Replies (5) Good night (297) Bad night (620)

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