How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun