when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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