i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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