i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
