after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
