My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you win again, gameday.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think people are normalizing furries
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
