I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
