Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
