And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
