I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
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they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't deserve a penis
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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