If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
