Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
