i was born a porn star she said
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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