Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Rumble strips road head = magical
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
