All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
