3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can't turn off my feet"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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