This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
