I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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