I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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