hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
