For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
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There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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