I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
