were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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