There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
