i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She announced her abortion via fbk
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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