i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
