he wants to bone in the snuggie
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
