i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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