Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
