A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
