I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
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