If i could tip my vagina, i would.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
we're so committed to being not committed
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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