put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
