I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
