my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
