Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
