And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
