It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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