my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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