Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
