my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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