dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
