I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
