rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
