I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
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I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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