another moral hangover. fuck.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
