We're like a lot better than the average bears
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
