I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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