The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
