I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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