pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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