So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
