why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
