Got a toothbrush?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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