Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
