I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
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My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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