I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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