(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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