My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We have so much sex to catch up on
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
